its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
