Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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