I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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