and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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