i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
