Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
