Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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