I want to make a zoo with you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
