Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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