Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
