Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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