i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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