Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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