I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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