How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
