i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
