He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
