Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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