smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I will pee on everything he values.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
