the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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