Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
