There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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