I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
