Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
