We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
