I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We got so high we made milksteak
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Randomize
