My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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