Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Found your dick twin last night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
