The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
