dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
