Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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