I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
