Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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