DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
