i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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