Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
