Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
