Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
