I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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