Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
