Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
