I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
