The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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