Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
