Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize