new low.... made out with someone while peeing
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
