her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
