well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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