My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
