They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
