38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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