No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
