Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
