Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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