Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
