Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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