He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
