Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
