so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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