I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
