dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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