he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
high people should be assigned attendants
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
