Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
