i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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