My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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