I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
